Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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