Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
