TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I enjoy the company of your penis
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
