Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
