i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
