I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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