What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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