one two three fourrrrnication!
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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