I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
