I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
