shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm getting married
To pizza
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
