What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize