I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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