Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
