I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
