i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
