just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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