We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
and you fell through a lawn chair
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
