After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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