It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
