Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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