no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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