just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
