I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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