wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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