The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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