I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
