i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
