Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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