I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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