Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
