I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
