Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
