Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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