I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
