The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
