Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
