I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
