Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
