That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
