where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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