She announced her abortion via fbk
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
