____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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