my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
worst night to have a conscience
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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