You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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