Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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