You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
