Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I've blown a few things in my day
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
