who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Randomize
