Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
