im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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