i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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