Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you win again, gameday.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
