I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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