I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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