my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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