Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
