I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Semen is not good for contacts.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
