I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
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