i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
