do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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