we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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