You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
