bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
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I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
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I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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