just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
