i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
