i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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