Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
