Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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