someone threw a dead crab at me
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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