dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
