Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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