thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i barfeds in our rink
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
