Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
