I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
