I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
