How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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