God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize