apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
