why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
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