an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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