grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
